I broke today.
I can tell you the exact moment it happened.
As I stood there and felt my chest toghten and my brain burn I suddenly had this moment where I swear I literally felt my soul rip in half.
Isn't it interesting how us humans can take on stress and more stress and even more stress and just keep going. All it takes is just one simple word or sentence or action and our capacity is, in that solitary instant, too much, and we break.
Now I just feel numb ... and dumb.
I know I am stronger than all this nonsense, well actually no that's not right... I know I SHOULD be stronger than all this nonsense, but somehow today I must have forgotten about the should's.
Today I just felt.
Today I felt the weight of everything I've been carrying with me for such a long time and it felt too heavy.
Today I felt just how long I've carrying this load and it felt too long.
Today i realised how long I've been fooling myself into thinking I had all the support I needed, but today i realised just how alone I've been all along.
Instead of focusing on one foot in front of the other and one step forward at a time, I stopped and looked up from all that has been consuming me and realised how lost I am.
It was at this precise moment that aim was taken at my exposed self and that is qhen I broke.
Right now I don't want to think about putting me back together because I don't know how a whole me is supposed to look. Right now I just want to gather myself and hide away from everything and everyone.
I am broken.
I am alone.
I am hurting.
I am in pain.
But worst of all, I feel invisible.
