Somewhere in the middle...

Lets be brutally honest...

I've been wanting to write a blog (and continue writing in said blog) for ages. And by ages I mean years. 

Looking back I suppose its one of those awesome letter combination traits of my personality that has, I wouldn't say stopped (because this would mean I actually started) and I wouldn't say prevented (because hey lets face it, we're all in charge of our own actions/decisions) but hindered my successful click-click-post-publish. Not being "officially" diagnosed myself, its quite possible that the OCD perfectionist in me was bothered by the lack of ordered thoughts and structure to said blog.

It could very well have been the extremes of my bipolar tendencies that I didn't find my blogging-happy-medium, though I strongly suspect my ASD tendencies and fear of putting myself out there (despite this initially being a private blog) may have had the upper hand in my start-blogging-demise.

One would think that my defiant side related to my ODD tendencies would win-out at some point, but alas, here I find myself possibly closer to 13 years of delayed-blogging, finally putting finger to keyboard to pen, what I'm sure is going to be the most god-awful drivel-coated blog you will ever read.

For starters, my stats... (or claims to fame LOL)
36, married for 16 years, South African born but Aussie-living now, full time working mum of 2 ADHD diagnosed boys (10 and nearly 14), with a congenital eye disease that is slowly sucking the life out of my sight, migraine suffering, Gemini with a what my husband will tell you is a severe case of multiple personality disorder that ranges between resting-bitch-face and Satan herself.

I pride myself in being open, honest upfront, witty and sarcastic with a wicked sense of humour though I hesitate to admit I am a softie on the inside who loves love and happiness, giving and helping. I love and trust easily but more often than not and left disappointed when my expectations of mutual giving and sharing in relationships and friendships aren't met.

I love arts and crafts, cooking and photography but never seem to find the time for much of any. I've been classed as having an "addictive personality" (no, that does not mean people swarm to me like mozzies to the light) it simply means I lack motivation to start maintain and finish the important things, I find myself constantly doing things I probably shouldn't (yes I am NOW an ex-smoker, ((again)) but who knows how long that will last for) - I can hole up in bed for days watching a TV series and buy a packet of Red Skins EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I go into IGA even though I tell myself EVERY.SINGLE.TIME that I shouldn't because my ass doesn't appreciate it.  So basically I'm addicted to the bad behaviours and not the good ones.

My own ADHD tendencies are to be accredited for my drastic change in career over the last few years, that combined with the OCD in liking 'round numbers' each of these ;career endeavours; have lasted precisely 2 years.

In 2009 it began with Project Management, to-the-day a 6 month stint with one firm then resulted in exactly 2 years with another PM firm, fast bored of that and thought I'd try my hand at Managing at an insurance broker firm in 2012 (where I soon learnt that the GenY and Millennial mentality of "eat or be eaten" was in fact a 'thing') this too lasted exactly 2 years. I'm currently almost 1 year into another adventure within the fleet management sector doing finance (yeah I'm good with numbers but they aren't my passion).  I honestly can't peg-down if its due to boredom or simply my ODD with authority that has me changing jobs more often than I should be. (I suspect its to do with my annoyance at the lack of competence but lets stick with interest and need to explore and build my career opportunities - I need to save face in any way I can given just how brutally honest this has ended up being)

So back to where this should be heading, my family.

I am married to a wonderful man who lets face it, deserves a medal having to put up with all of the above and then some. He is no picnic to live with, but I'd pick him over and over again. He has the grace and patience to accept and love me as I am. He makes me happy and keeps me smiling. He challenges me to be the best version of myself that I can. His eyes are the colour of the sky, a soft blue that draws you in and calms you. He has a few annoying qualities but hey, lets face it, 16 years together, we're bound to find out things about each other we dislike, but we learn to live with them. (Though I will openly admit to losing my shit with him quite often over some of these annoying things - he in return tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me) What he lacks in emotional capacity (yes, that of a teaspoon in comparison to my ocean) he makes up for in his strength and patience (though I have referred to these as his boy-ability-to-turn-off-and-ignore).

I think more than anything, we've made it through the thick and thin still together because we're all that each other have had. Immigrating to Australia away from family and life-long friends was massive. Given that we did that not long after getting married and having our first child together, we were not only navigating marriage and parenthood together, we had to navigate our new life in this country... together. We have gone through some really tough times, times I thought would surely be the end of "us" but somehow we managed to get through it all and I strongly believe that its because of our amazing children.

Yes life has thrown us a few curve balls with our boys, but our mutual need for them to be successful human beings no matter the cost is what has driven us this close. Yes, we have two ADHD diagnosed boys who share a few quirks but for the most part are so very different, it feels like a whole new journey with our eldest (who was only diagnosed 3 months ago) as apposed to our youngest (who was diagnosed in 2012). Our life is so very full of ups and downs trying to navigate the challenges and find our victory's, but we do it together and with a smile on our face.