ADHD "ishews" - Birthday parties

James is an ADHD kid, 10 years old, full of imagination and bright ideas, but most of all love – he is one of THE most loving children I have ever met – and I’m not only saying this because he is my son.

Problem is, one of his biggest struggles is social interaction. Because he was a late speech developer, he didn’t develop the skills to communicate effectively and by the time that he did, other kids had already pinned him as the kid to stay away from.

He so desperately wants friends but sometimes doesn’t know how to make them.  He wants to play but doesn’t always know how to ask.  He wants to be included but doesn’t always know how.

We parents of children with special needs know only too well the hurt our kids feel when they are left out of social gatherings. From organised sports, play dates, sleepovers and yes, the dreaded birthday parties.

At first, the invites came – the whole class got invited, or at the very least, all the boys in the class got invited.  I wonder if the parents of those children know what would happen if I brought James to those parties. His SPD would shift off the scales – loud noise, inability to cope with the social divide that naturally happens when games are played, food issues etc. – oh boy, the attention he would receive from all of this, not only because he hates being in the spotlight but also because I don’t want this to take the spotlight off the birthday child. So we declined the invitations and as a result, they stopped coming. 

All these boys in his class come to school on the Monday and excitedly discuss the events of the birthday party on the weekend and James? …well he stands on the sidelines and listens, crying inside because nobody thought to invite him.

James has received one, I repeat, ONE single party invite in 3 years. This amazing mother, knowing of the difficulties James would face attending the party (even though it was an amazing outdoor NERF party that he thoroughly enjoyed) even invited him over back to their house after the party to spend some one-on-one time with the birthday boy while he opened presents.  I offered to take photos of the entire event just so that I could be around in case James needed me.

To this mother, thank you, for allowing my son to feel included and normal. What a fantastic job you’re doing raising a beautiful boy who is willing to give everyone a chance. Isn’t it wonderful that they are now best friends and that we in fact consider them family!

So parents, listen up. My son is a living, breathing human being with feelings, just like your child. How about you teach your children kindness and acceptance and perhaps, even if it is just a consideration and not an actual action, consider accommodating the one kid in the class that nobody has taken the time to get to know and that everybody avoids. You may all be very well surprised at how far along he has come and perhaps you won’t easily see the coping mechanisms we have quietly put into place to allow him to get through the difficult situations, but don’t you think he deserves the opportunity at least?

WOW.... just wow!!

At the end of last year, Luke brought home a year 7 report that was, to say the very least, quite scary, 8 C's and 2 failures (science and maths)

Instead of freaking out and punishing him, we sat him down and let him tell us what was going on - he basically described troubles that were a mirror of what James was experiencing being ADHD, so we decided to take him to the Paed to be tested in January - diagnosed then with ADHD and medication followed - 3 months later we had him re-tested and his results had improved by more than 50% since the January test, so we knew we were on the right track.

Fast forward to yesterday, I got emailed his semester 1 school report.
I sat here in the office bawling my eyes out with joy.

3 A's, 4 B's and 3 C's, 2 of which he missed being B's by 1% (Maths and Science - other C was for Music which he hates)

Major Incident Day @ school :(

We had a major incident at school last week Tuesday when a lady who is new to teaching, got annoyed with James.

 

An incident occurred on the playground where another boy was hitting and punching James in the head because he’d been caught out by James in a game of handball. James tried to ask this child to leave him alone, but after repeatedly having to deal with being hit, James’s frustration took over and he ended up kicking this other boy.

Of course when this other boy reported James for kicking him, James shut down (he doesn’t like or trust the teacher) She then proceeded to make a spectacle of James by sitting him up front of the class. James’s nervous ticks kicked in and he ended up tapping a ruler on the desk – this annoyed the teacher who then made him sit on the floor by the door of the classroom where he continued to take his finger against the door. 40 minutes later the teacher had had enough and sent him to the deputy principal’s office (whom he likes) where he managed to calm down and told her what had occurred.

In the phone call to discuss this incident, the teacher failed to mention that she had spent the better half of an hour yelling at James at the top of her voice (loud enough for children from the next classroom to peek through the windows to see what was going on)Several friends (parents of children in the class) also rang me to re0tell what their children had told them that evening. The part that particularly broke my heart was when he was telling me about the teacher making him sit on the floor by the door, his words were "then she made me sit on the floor by the door like a dog!"

The next morning I was in the school office at 8am wanting to speak with the principal who was unfortunately not in that day so I had to see the deputy principal. I was extremely angry that James had been treated in this manner and demanded some sort of action from the school. They then agreed that this new teacher does require some extra training on how to handle children with ADHD. We worked through a plan of action for the classroom and for James to cope at school – After a few hours, I felt satisfied that they now understood my view on the type of education they should have been offering my son.

The unfortunate issue here being is that the department of education does not identify ADHD as an Autism spectrum diagnosis for which the school can obtain the learning and teaching resources they would need to assist James. So I do have an ulterior motive to all this reading and research.James needs help and the only way he will get the kind of help he needs is if we can somehow fit him into a category that the DOE will recognise as needing assistance.