ADHD "ishews" - Birthday parties

James is an ADHD kid, 10 years old, full of imagination and bright ideas, but most of all love – he is one of THE most loving children I have ever met – and I’m not only saying this because he is my son.

Problem is, one of his biggest struggles is social interaction. Because he was a late speech developer, he didn’t develop the skills to communicate effectively and by the time that he did, other kids had already pinned him as the kid to stay away from.

He so desperately wants friends but sometimes doesn’t know how to make them.  He wants to play but doesn’t always know how to ask.  He wants to be included but doesn’t always know how.

We parents of children with special needs know only too well the hurt our kids feel when they are left out of social gatherings. From organised sports, play dates, sleepovers and yes, the dreaded birthday parties.

At first, the invites came – the whole class got invited, or at the very least, all the boys in the class got invited.  I wonder if the parents of those children know what would happen if I brought James to those parties. His SPD would shift off the scales – loud noise, inability to cope with the social divide that naturally happens when games are played, food issues etc. – oh boy, the attention he would receive from all of this, not only because he hates being in the spotlight but also because I don’t want this to take the spotlight off the birthday child. So we declined the invitations and as a result, they stopped coming. 

All these boys in his class come to school on the Monday and excitedly discuss the events of the birthday party on the weekend and James? …well he stands on the sidelines and listens, crying inside because nobody thought to invite him.

James has received one, I repeat, ONE single party invite in 3 years. This amazing mother, knowing of the difficulties James would face attending the party (even though it was an amazing outdoor NERF party that he thoroughly enjoyed) even invited him over back to their house after the party to spend some one-on-one time with the birthday boy while he opened presents.  I offered to take photos of the entire event just so that I could be around in case James needed me.

To this mother, thank you, for allowing my son to feel included and normal. What a fantastic job you’re doing raising a beautiful boy who is willing to give everyone a chance. Isn’t it wonderful that they are now best friends and that we in fact consider them family!

So parents, listen up. My son is a living, breathing human being with feelings, just like your child. How about you teach your children kindness and acceptance and perhaps, even if it is just a consideration and not an actual action, consider accommodating the one kid in the class that nobody has taken the time to get to know and that everybody avoids. You may all be very well surprised at how far along he has come and perhaps you won’t easily see the coping mechanisms we have quietly put into place to allow him to get through the difficult situations, but don’t you think he deserves the opportunity at least?