Lets set the records straight...

I’ve pondered over writing this for 2 days now and I’m still not sure that what I’m about to write will come across or be perceived as it needs to be, so here goes anyway. To be honest, I am somewhat annoyed that I'm having to justify myself but I'm going to choose to use this opportunity to set a few things straight rather than harp on my annoyance.

When I was growing up, the stigma that Ritalin had was incredibly negative.  I remember hearing my parents discussing with other parents about how bad this drug was and how they felt sorry for children who were forced to take this drug.  I think the general consensus was that children taking Ritalin were ‘zombie kids’ – apparently they would walk around looking and feeling ‘spaced out’ and disconnected from the real world. Interesting to note though, that the entire time I was growing up there was never any discussions about WHY Ritalin was needed i.e. no mention of ADHD at all.

As I explained in a previous post, I in turn carried this negative view into my own adulthood. So when my youngest was diagnosed as ADHD and there was discussion about him taking Ritalin, I broke down.  Not only because I didn’t want my beautiful boy turning into ‘zombie kid’ but I was absolutely terrified of the stigma of him taking the medication would carry with other adults and children.

Needless to say, against my better judgement, I agreed to a trial and boy was I proven wrong. Yes world – I was TOTALLY wrong about Ritalin.

So obviously when James started taking Ritalin, my husband and I had to have a conversation about WHO we would tell and WHAT we would tell them.  We decided that we’d only share this with people who needed to know – most important on that need-to-know list, school.

Being extremely close with my mother, I decided that she was also on this list. I will never forget that conversation – when I called her overseas, she was in her car, little did I know my father (who let me tell you, had views against Ritalin that you and I and any other normal, sane person, would have against child pornography).  According to my father, it was THE worst decision I’d ever made (despite his views on moving my family overseas being one of the worst things that I could ever have done TO HIM). I remember putting down the phone and sobbing for ages – at the time I entered this deep depression and gloominess that I had feared would accompany sharing this information – from my own father!

Needless to say I snapped out of that feeling no less than 3 days later when our beautiful son, our little sunflower blossomed like never before, right in front of our eyes. About 2 years later I thought to myself one day “to hell with it, the world needs to be educated on what it’s REALLY like with ADHD”

At this point in time I began sharing more and more information with those around us. More and more people began to understand James and adjust their expectations of him accordingly to coincide with his needs. 6 months after this, my eldest son Luke, who had been struggling to a much lesser degree throughout his school life, came home with what I can only describe as the most heart breaking school report. This kid needed help and he needed it NOW.

So in the New Year about 2 weeks before school started, we took him to the paediatrician who in turn diagnosed him with ADHD – not the same type as James, but ADHD none the less. Absolutely ZERO hesitation on my part to start him on Ritalin. We brought him into the office with the Paediatrician and discussed options and advantages / disadvantages etc. with him – being 13, we felt he was old enough to have input into this decision for himself.

He agreed without hesitation as he too had seen the significant changes with James. We decided that he didn’t want to tell school. He was happy for us to speak openly about it around friends and family though.

6 months on and my eldest brought home a school report that for starters, did not have any failures on it, but it also included a number of A’s and B’s – I am extremely proud of what he has achieved – while mediation assisted with his ability to concentrate and focus, he still had to put in the hard work and effort, Ritalin didn’t do his homework or write his exams. He is like any other non-ADHD child now, and if you don’t watch out, he will soon surpass your average child who was born with the natural ability to focus and concentrate and he will prove just how intelligent and capable he is.

To digress slightly…. You know when you go through something major in your life and afterwards when you’ve come out the other end you think to yourself “I should have kept a diary or kept track of what I was going through so I’d be able to see now just how far along I’ve come” – I’ve had several moments like this.

Back on point now … the above was niggling at the back of my mind quite a bit in the initial weeks of Luke being on medication – more so for the fact that I’d learnt so much going through this with James which I was now applying to Luke but it got me thinking about how perhaps this insight and experience could assist others embarking on this journey.

So I sat the boys down and explained the situation to them and asked how they would feel about me sharing their stories and adventures with the www… not surprisingly, neither of them minded at all – I think I go a “meh” from one and a non-committal shoulder shrug from the other.  And so I began blogging about whatever issue we were tackling at that point in time.  Posts were few and far between initially because I was also trying to find the style of writing of these experiences that I was comfortable with.

Initially I would read these out to the boys, who would laugh hysterically at the humour I incorporated within each story.  This interest soon faded and they were both doing the “meh” >shoulder shrug<. The only stipulation my eldest had was that I DIDN’T tag him when I share the posts on Facebook as he didn’t want his friends reading my posts. Simple. Done.

While I understand that some may be concerned for their perceived negative attention I am attracting to my kids, I will explain it like this - My posts are about ADHD, not the medication., my children just happen to be the subjects – there are so many other homes going through this exact journey. I think what hangs heavy on my heart is that people would even consider or entertain the idea or notion that I would completely ignore my children in this decision to share our journey with the www. My children’s need are far superior to my own and had either of them felt uncomfortable, heck even if they do feel this moving forward, I would stop sharing. End of story.

I think Ritalin has had enough (negative) time in the spotlight over the last 40 years. I think it’s about time we put the spotlight on ADHD.

Share the definition of ADHD

The negatives and positives of ADHD
The side effects and behaviours associated with ADHD
The coping mechanisms and strategies we use for ADHD
The struggles suffered by those with ADHD and the struggles of those living with those with ADHD
The associated disorders and accompaniments to ADHD
And to some degree how medication can assist with improving all of the above

I am the mother of two beautiful boys who happen to have ADHD.  I am not ashamed and neither are they.  We have taught our boys resilience and strength in making the most life has dealt them. If you can’t handle that, then by all means, don’t read my posts, but do me the kindness of keeping your opinions and thoughts to yourself.

My ultimate goal has always been to try educate the clueless but also to provide a safety net if you will, for others who have children or they themselves suffer from any number of ‘letter combinations’ to learn something that could perhaps help change their lives for the better.  I’m trying to dispel this negative connotation that ADHD seems to have gained due to incompetency rather than fact. I certainly don’t have the time nor the energy to be concerned about other people’s views on my ‘sharing is caring’ philosophy where ADHD is concerned – don’t like it? Don’t read it. Just the same as if I don’t like something you’re posting about, I ignore it and move on.

We encourage and nurture our children, perhaps a lot more than parents of non-ADHD children – our children understand this and why we do this and they appreciate this. We are also supremely proud of them and we want to share their achievements with whoever will listen/read.

So if you feel comfortable enough to accept that my children and I are comfortable with their diagnosis, please do read our blog – perhaps you may learn something new or perhaps our stories will ring true for a situation that you perhaps are struggling with alone.

And in closing clarification, I would NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, do anything, say anything or write anything about my children and their lives and diagnosis without discussing it with them.  I respect them enough to know that this is a highly personal journey and they are fully in control of not only their medication and treatment, but also who we share this journey with.

 

Didn't I just ask that?

I am standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, yelling out to the people in my life. Yet as my words would echo around the vastness of the caverns below, so are my words bouncing around my house and the inside of their heads.  I feel like I’m constantly yelling.  I feel like my words are important but they are being lost to the vastness.  My endless requests and words of guidance are vanishing into thin air as if they never existed in the first place.

One would think I was merely talking about my kids, but alas, the ‘other child’ aka my husband the other parent, is also falling prey to this selective deafness that has our family in its grips of madness.

I am going mad, I am losing my mind and the control I so desperately need. Being OCD and nobody gives a crap is no fun. Needing to have things done a certain way to still my brain – no fun at all. They don’t realise that the urgency I feel inside my head and my heart and my being at having words that my brain seems to think NEED to be said – that urgency – ita takes my breath away and sends me into such a flat spinout that every part of my brain shuts down – I start feeling like a mute inside my own head because all brain function and process are on pause until I get the words out my mouth.

“Please put your packed school bag by the front door” may seem like such a simple and in their own view a silly request that they may feel doesn’t warrant any thought or action, but to me, it means that not only will they be completely ready to go to school by the time I leave (an hour before them) but they will have all the books and sports uniforms and permission notes, their lunch bag and house key – all of this means less stressing about potential phone calls that may occur during my own work day where I will then begin worrying about my child not having any food to eat or the fact that they have missed out on gymnastics that I’ve paid for or the fact that they will be sitting outside our house for 2 hours in the freezing cold until I get home. 

Oh the number of intertwined, attached and relative thoughts processes are mind boggling and endless. They do not understand that in my brain if I do not do the usually walk around the house in the morning packing away things that have been left lying about, shoes, cups etc that my brain will spend the rest of the day factoring in this time needed to complete these tasks into my evening routine (which is already precisely set out in my mind) which not only interferes with my usual day-tp-day tasks but the amount of anxiety behind knowing I’m coming home to that mess – they will never understand.

Anxiety – oh how I wish I didn’t suffer this.  It is mentally and physically crippling and people who don’t suffer it, don’t understand how “just get over it” or “just accept it” highlights more the fact that they don’t care enough to bother understanding my point of view than it does the fact that I suffer it.

Anger – So the constant repetitiveness coupled with the selective deafness shrouded in anxiety leads to anger – pure, undiluted, red-hot anger (and of course his ugly cousin resentment) which lets face it, isn’t pretty I am angry that I don’t mean enough to you or that you don’t value me, my input or my contributions at home enough to give me the time-of-day. Believe me, I’ve tried a million coping strategies not to get to this point, but if I have, you’ve once again displayed carelessness and lack of support for my drive in ensuring our family unit is a well-functioning, supportive network where we all feel comfortable an safe. Yes, you contribute to this too – in your own way, and in ways that you may not even realise, but please understand that this is not only my job.  In order for our family unit to function successfully, we all have to contribute – simple.

So listen up male components that live under the same roof as me – just do what I ask, the first time I ask and monster-mommy won’t come to visit anymore.

Get it?
Got it?
Good :)