Husband behaviour annoyance

Let me preface this by saying that my husband is a wonderful man and an excellent father.  He is kind and patient and spends every moment he can with us as a family.
But my husband is only human.  He is allowed to get frustrated – as I do.  And there are many moments that managing our sons' behaviour can be difficult. 

My husband works all day and comes usually just in time to see the boys off to bed which means he sees them very little during the week.   Occasionally in that time my husband will lose his temper.  Usually our youngest son (who by that time is no longer medicated) is having a difficult time calming down for the night, or gets distracted 400 times on his way to bed, and my husband – who has also had a long day and is tired and hungry – gets frustrated.  I do it more than I care to admit too. 

But I’m the one who is with them all the time.  I’m the one who gets them off to school in the morning, get them to their various therapy appointments, who feeds them dinner, helps them with homework (which is no small accomplishment) and gets them ready for bed- all while also working a full time job and making sure our household still runs smoothly and functions as required (mount-washmore remains a constant)

I do so much reading about ADHD and try to educate myself so that I know what to expect from our boys and what I can do to assist our boys with normal everyday functions they struggle with. My husband doesn't read, nor is he interested in finding out more about ADHD.  His expectations of our children remains that of a neurotypical brain and this is really starting to frustrate me. 

We're supposed to be in this together. He is supposed to support each and every one of us as we support him - we are a family unit which he is a part of. When it comes to anything to do with dealing with ADHD he segregates himself. When we go into the paediatrician's office however - different story - suddenly he is an expect on the topic and feels that his personal (unfounded / uneducated) views on certain things are gospel that should be adhered to. I sometimes want to yell at him "what I'm telling you is based on qualified research, not someone's opinion".

I wish he would, even if he isn't interested in reading for himself, just listen to what I am reading and take it on board to process.  I wish that he would realise that a lot of what he says and does towards the boys contradicts what is recommended for ADHD kids. I wish he would realise just how much I do actually do and perhaps want to get more involved.

I wish he would get out of bed and help me with the morning routine instead of lying in bed playing games on his ipad and barking at the kids down the passage to get finished. I wish he would want to get more involved with the boys doing activities outside of technology.  He is happy for them to spend the entire day on the PC playing games. I wish he would realise how much our children love spending time doing 'stuff' with him. In their eyes he is the 'fun' parent - the parent who doesn't remind them 10 times a day to brush their teeth and make their beds and pack their school bags and do homework etc.

And so sometimes I feel that I have to be the mommy to 3 boys: my 2 wonderful ADHD boys and my husband.  It can make me feel very alone.