Letter to School - 11/08/2015 - Bullying on the bus

Evening all,

It is with a heavy heart that I send this email this evening.

We have just had a visit from a neighbour who came over to have a chat with us about what has been going on for the last few mornings with James.

 

This morning in particular, James went over to the neighbours as they were leaving their house to drop their girls off at SINPS and asked for a lift. When my neighbour asked if he had missed the bus his reply was "no, I just don't want to be bullied on the bus any more" Further probing into the situation, our neighbour discovered that James has become a target of some severe bullying on the bus whereby he would rather miss the bus and walk to school or find alternate means of getting to school.

 

This happened a few years ago when both our boys were catching the bus - it first began with both boys being bullied but Luke stood up for them and then the bullies would only target James - bullying included pockets being ripped off school shirts, lunch boxes being thrown from the moving bus windows, bag straps being cut off their school bags and a list of physical bullying.

 

I'm sure that you are as tolerant of bullying as we are and hopefully there will be some investigating into this matter to discover exactly what is going on on the bus.

I will be having a conversation with James in the morning about sitting up at the front of the bus again where the bus driver can see him.  James is apparently reluctant to name names and therefore I cannot tell you who is instigating this however he did mention it is a pack-mentality situation, one boy egging other boys to get involved in the bullying against our son.

My heart breaks thinking he has to deal with this even before he gets to school where he is already having a tough time.

The next part of their conversation this morning is really distressing. Apparently James seems to believe he is stupid and that everyone at school thinks he is stupid and that people are treating him as such. Now as adults I can fully appreciate that none of you would openly refer to my son as being stupid, but he clearly isn't feeling this way for no reason.  I have no idea why he is saying this as the word stupid is one we do not tolerate at home. Obviously something is happening on the play ground.

 

What I do think is we have a little boy who is struggling with communication and social interaction with peers and because of these struggles and the very clear difference between him and his peers, he is labelling this as being stupid.

To be honest we're in the dark - we have absolutely no idea how to manage such a situation and would really appreciate some guidance here. We would like to manage and hopefully fix this matter before heaven forbid our son decides that he can no longer tolerate this life and the hand he has been dealt.

 

Dr Silove - we've been double dosing the melatonin for the last 9 days  (7 of those days being school days) and I can honestly say we've had the worst 7 days of school this year. Now I'm not sure if its the melatonin that could be affecting his moods, but our child - in my opinion - is suffering some sort of depression and we are at a total loss of how to help him. Could you please let us know when we can schedule a visit to discuss all these matters?

Please help us to help him - we are absolutely petrified that if we don't help him now, that we're going to lose this beautiful happy little boy.

 

Appreciate your time - thank you.

Kind regards

Colleen

Dear Colleen and Anthony

 

It is stressing to hear that James has had to contend with these issues. I am pleased that he has found a way to communicate what’s happening to you and the adults around him so that action can be taken. I have no doubt that the school will follow up on the bullying and school related issues as they would have a no tolerance approach and the best way is to confront the issue up front with those concerned.

 

The other action is to empower James with dealing with these issues. We have identified the language, learning and ADHD. Managing this does require a team approach around James. As discussed the team consists of

James at the centre and yourselves and his brother

The school and his educators

Speech therapist

Counselling

Medical management

 

All need to work together collaboratively and have a very important role to play. It does take time, effort and a lot of co ordination, and expense on your part. The school teachers can do a lot of the language based work in conjunction with his literacy at school, but there remains a role for a speech therapist at this stage.

 

The school counsellor is able to assist with supports at school but James will require more intensive counselling around strategies relating to work and study strategies, executive function, peer socialisation, bullying and self esteem. A public service can be accessed either via the Hills Community Health centre or they will direct you to the most appropriate public health service. I am happy to recommend local private therapists which can be assisted via medicare support and The Better Access to Mental Health Plan.  Given your current concerns, I would suggest that this would be a priority.

 

From the medical perspective I will try answer your more immediate questions and concerns  from your emails :

 

·         Stop the melatonin as it does not appear helpful and may be giving side effects. Should sleep be a major issue, please let me know and we can review.
·         Brain scans and Spect scans do not have a place in diagnosing or managing ADHD. The diagnosis is clinical and the management needs to be specific to addressing functional skills and the associated learning difficulties for James
·         I will be very happy to meet for a case conference at the school if they felt this would be helpful

 

I look forward to reviewing James together with yourselves in the near future

Regards NAtalie